...

Ate so much today.

Feeling like shit.

I don't see anyway around purging when I have to eat every meal with my parents or boyfriend.

There is no way to get around it.

They know all of my tricks.

I feel the same way I used to.

Like I have to choose between having friends and family and having control over my body.

I wish I could make them understand but I know that is impossible.

I wonder if they knew how depressed I feel now if they would see it any differently.

...

Tomorrow is another long, family filled day.

I should be happy.

But I feel like I want to die.

Another meal at a disgusting restaurant.

Another layer of fat on my bones.

...

I don't want to choose between family and food.

But I think I have to.

Is it better to be skinny and alone or fat and with those I love?

In my mind I know what I should choose.

But everything inside me screams "SKINNY!"

...

I just want to go to bed and not get up.