Feeling like shit.
I don't see anyway around purging when I have to eat every meal with my parents or boyfriend.
There is no way to get around it.
They know all of my tricks.
I feel the same way I used to.
Like I have to choose between having friends and family and having control over my body.
I wish I could make them understand but I know that is impossible.
I wonder if they knew how depressed I feel now if they would see it any differently.
Tomorrow is another long, family filled day.
I should be happy.
But I feel like I want to die.
Another meal at a disgusting restaurant.
Another layer of fat on my bones.
I don't want to choose between family and food.
But I think I have to.
Is it better to be skinny and alone or fat and with those I love?
In my mind I know what I should choose.
But everything inside me screams "SKINNY!"
I just want to go to bed and not get up.