Thursday, December 2, 2010

Picking Fights

So yesterday I only had 460 calories all day! Woot!  It wasn't easy though.  I only had a small bowl of cereal all day, no water (because I am an idiot), and like a million cups of coffee (OK maybe 4).  When I went to leave my house to meet Bear to go into the city I was shaking so hard I had to eat a granola bar.  I am also about to get my period so I am sure that had something to do with it.  I was able to get away with eating almost nothing at the party too!  It was an ethnic event so I just had a taste of a few things and it was fine.  I did have some wine though.  The event turned out to be really cool.  It was Romania's version of Independence Day so they had this super fancy reception with all these foreign dignitaries.  They were from all over: Italy, Brazil, France, etc, etc.  Even the mayor came to speak!  I have to admit, I was still bored. haha! That doesn't mean it wasn't impressive, Bear and I were just the youngest people there.  You can only talk about so much with an old French diplomat.  Getting ready to go to the event was awful.  I looked huge in everything and was a crying mess.  I hate this time of the month.

On the way home I was stupid and picked a fight with Bear.  I get so emotional and needy when I am pmsing and get upset about things I don't normally care about.  He was just acting silly and immature and I totally freaked out on him.  Looking back on it, I feel really bad.  He had no idea where it was coming from and just apologized anyway.  I told him that we never go out or do anything nice (which is definitely not true) and cried like an idiot.  This morning he called me on his way to work to tell me he loves me and that pick any place and we can go out on Saturday night.  I don't deserve him. Ugh.

Today I skipped breakfast because I had to go out to lunch with my mom.  I was able to have a salad, but with everything on it it was still like over 300 calories.  My mom knows what kind of food I like and so when she says something like "Get sunflower seeds on it, they are your favorite" there is really nothing I can do.  She drives me so crazy sometimes.  We have this really crazy up and down relationship.  I love her because she is my mom and we do sometimes have a lot of fun together.  But there are other times when I swear she is psychotic and she has crazy melt downs and I am always in the middle of it.  Today was a good day, until the end when she handed me a list of things to do!  Like errands and things like that.  I understand that I am only working part time right now, but she treats me like I am a child and have to do everything I am told.  So I of course picked a fight with her too, instead of just keeping my mouth shut.  I don't like arguing, it just seems to happen sometime.  I have to start saving up now to move out.  I can't handle this for much longer...

So I am newly addicted to reading other blogs.  I used to read a few in the past but haven't done it in a long time.  So yesterday I just started searching pro ana blogs, and there are so many cool ones out there!  It is so amazing to read someone else's words and identify with them so completely.  I had to leave a few comments too, which is something I have never done.  I started off writing this blog as a way to get out my own thoughts and feelings, just to put them out into the universe because there is no one I can talk to about this stuff.  But now I realize there is this whole supportive community out there that I want to be a part of!  So if anyone is out there, please say hello. :)  Or don't, but know I am here willing to listen and support, <3

One more thing!  On one of the fabulous blogs I was reading (Paper Thin, :) almost my blog name too) there was this hilarious website that I have wasted hours on already.  It is called Dear Blank, Please Blank and it is probably my new favorite procrastination tool.  So funny.  Here are my two favorites so far:

Dear Twihards,
If he sparkles, he's probably one of ours.
Gay Men of America

Dear girls who tormented me in 7th grade because I was smarter than you,
I need you to work over time tomorrow.
Your Boss

Stay Strong and Skinny

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