Monday, January 10, 2011


"Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual. Yesterday, everybody smoked his last cigar, took his last drink, and swore his last oath. Today, we are a pious and exemplary community. Thirty days from now, we shall have cast our reformation to the winds and gone to cutting our ancient shortcomings considerably shorter than ever." -Mark Twain, on resolutions

New Years Resolutions are a really funny thing aren't they? For some reason we convince ourselves that just because the date has changed from December 31, 2010 to January 1, 2011 we will be able to change essential components of our realities. I will eat better. I will lie less. I will be happier. I will pay my bills on time. Why would anyone think that saying these things to ourselves one day will somehow make us change in the long run. I know that I can say to myself today that I will stop lying so much this year. Yet I also know when I am confronted by my mother or someone else that I will go back to my old ways of telling a falsehood to make life just a little more bearable. I am such a perpetual procrastinator that it took me until the 10th of January to even think about resolutions! There is no way in hell that me saying today that I am going to be on time on deadlines from now on is going to make any difference in my life.

I decided that instead of any huge resolutions I am going to set small moderate goals for myself. I have plenty of experience setting totally unrealistic goals for myself. Then when I fail I am depressed and punish myself. Sound familiar? (cough... weight loss goals... cough) I have a lot more success when I set a manageable goal even if I don't always like doing it. So that is what I am going to do about my weight loss goals and my life goals.

Things I want to change about myself AKA My Pointless New Years Resolutions
-I want to lose 30 pounds.
-I want to work out every day
-I want to pay my bills on time.
-I want to lie less.
-I want to stop being so emotional.
-I want to be happy.

Wow. Looking at that list makes me realize how hard setting achievable goals for myself will be. Maybe that is why people rarely change.

I don't even think I want to try. haha. I truly am a procrastinator. Maybe instead of sitting a writing out step by step goals I can just promise myself that I am going to honestly try and work on each of those things and re-evaluate in a month? I started keeping a planner again with all of my daily activities, intake of food, etc. and I have always found that to really help accomplish lots of things. Here's hoping.

So I was going to write about some of the awful things that happened over the holidays, but if I am going to try and be happier, maybe it is better that I don't dwell on those things. Just a short re-cap:

I had a huge fight with a really old friend and haven't spoke to her since. My mom told me I ruined her Christmas because she didn't think I gave her a thoughtful enough gift. I still don't have a job or internship because I am such a failure. I am so broke it isn't funny.

I am letting that go and not writing about it anymore. At least not for now...

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